Some Nice Credit Crunch Jokes....

Q: With the current market turmoil, what’s the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.

I went to the ATM this morning and it said “insufficient funds”.

I’m wondering is it them or me.

Some Nice Ambiguities in the form of....

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS....????

A banana with a red silk dress? A pink slip.
A canary with a mole? A miner bird.
A cat with a lemon? A sourpuss.

Here are some jokes from the brilliant comedian Jimmy Carr.

3% of Britons never leave a tip and they are known as the weirdos who live beside the tip.

I saw a headline 'Britain faces crisis' and I thought what we are running out of faces.

I bought a home pregnancy kit it turns out my house is pregnant.

Courtesy of Ruth and Anna, we have a special bumper section with more jokes than ever!!! 

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE 
(1)  Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
 (9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.