Here is a collection of our worst and best jokes over the years:
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A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"
The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."
With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"
The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don`t you learn to look up numbers before you dial?".
"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...."
The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?"asked the father.
"Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You`ve got lot of guts calling again!" The receiver slammed down hard.
The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that was anger. Now I`ll show you what exasperation means."
He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, "Hello!"
The father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"
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A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it
was dead. How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child
innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it
didn't move'
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A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'. |
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Some great ambiguities Jack Plunkett sent on: When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
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