Conversations are ways that we review the world. This month, I want to talk about how to improve your Conversations. Conversations are the particular events that we engage in when we are with other people. We have conversations with other people in work, at home, with our friends and with new people. Conversations are how we learn more about other people. If I, as Owen Fitzpatrick, have a Conversation with another person, they will learn about me and I will learn about them. Often, however, through our conversations we do not create the best possible impression on another persons mind. I want to talk about how we can review our own conversations and thus improve how we communicate with others.

There are lots of different types of conversations. There are polite conversations and raging arguments, boring and fascinating conversations, difficult and comfortable conversations, serious and comical conversations as well as private and public Conversations. Each one of them involve different feelings and different kinds of language. When I talk about reviewing our conversations, I am talking about examining what kinds of things you say in what way when you are in the different forms of conversing.

For example,  if you find that the people you talk to often fall asleep, get angry, get intense, seem ackward or seem too guarded, the likelihood is that the way in which you are conversing is facilitating such responses. It's important to be aware of your voice tone, inflection and rhythm, facial expression and behavioural cues as well as paying good attention to the words you use and even the structure of your sentences and the patterns of your language.

Your Voice Tone, Inflection and Rhythm is an important quality of your conversations. There is a natural rhythm and context to conversations. It is important that you make sure whatever you say fits in with this rhythm and context. If you are having a serious conversation it is appropriate to speak in a serious way. This might appear like common sense but often times, people get into relationship problems because they are coming at an issue from a completely different perspective. You must remember that whatever you say to another person is filtered through their perception of whatever experience they are having so when you pay attention to the context you'll be much more likely to say something in a way that resonates with them.

Furthermore, it's useful to pay attention to the congruence with which you speak. In order for you to get through to the other person, you need to make sure that you say the words with the feeling. For example, when you say happy it's important to smile as that word happy needs to sound happy. The rule of thumb would be to make sure whatever word you utter would be possible for someone in a foreign language to understand because of how you say it. Conversations are improved by bringing more good feelings into them and we bring feelings into them by our expressions. This also means or facial expressions and behavioural cues.

We offer lots of information with our bodies so it's important never to be 'dead' in a conversation. When you communicate with others in conversations, you need to make sure that you are involved in the natural role play that is involved. Far too often people take themselves too seriously and take the conversation for granted and fail to really get involved. It's important you remember that conversations are a chance for you to connect with another person and whether it's in the den of corporate politics, on your bed on your honeymoon wedding night or with your best friend at a football match, the conversation is a way of experiencing the social world more powerfully.

The words you use are also important. Again context is a key factor here. Your partner in the conversation will be expressing certain things to you and you need to focus on making sure you are both speaking off the same page. So the particular expressions they use will be useful tools of communicating with them in their language. Be aware of what they say to you and also be aware of your own use of the pronoun 'I' as well as the word 'but'. Whenever you use I, immediately, that will be a signal to them to focus on you. Even if you are talking about them and you use 'I' too much they will perceive you to be very self absorbed. The word 'but' is a word that, just by using it, can immediately provoke defensiveness and argument. Whenever a person hears the word but, even if you have agreed with them, often it can lead them to feeling that you are in disagreement with what they are saying. These words are two examples of words to be aware of and to review your use of them in Conversations.

The structure or your sentences and patterns of your language are also an important quality of your method of conversing. When I talk to somebody, whatever I talk about first and last will be the things most likely to be remembered by the other person. Again the word 'but'  influences the sequence of a sentence. When you utter it, it takes away attention from the rest of the sentence. For better results if you use the word 'but' then put the part of the sentence you want them to remember after the but. If your sentences are long and descriptive, you are more likely to create a form of trance with the other person whereas if your sentences are short and snappy then you would be more likely to get a persons attention and alertness.

There are lots more things to be aware of in your Conversations. The key is to review how you interact with others and just notice what happens. Then, if you are aware that you can improve the way you affect others or if you can change some of the elements of your communication for positive results you will find yourself achieving greater results.

Many people say that a good conversationalist is someone who is very wise and knows a little about a lot and a lot about fascinating subjects. That may well be true but it's also the way that you express that knowledge that is important. Finally, what you can also be aware of is that if you approach conversations with the attitude of being curious about the other person and interested in getting lost in a conversation while you mutually educate and entertain eachother, you will find yourself accomplishing all of the skills I mention automatically. And as for the pillow talk conversations late at night, you will find them to be useful at some times... to connect more deeply with the love of your life... and other times you'll replace them with a wordless and yet not so silent different kind of conversation!