This month I want to talk about eliminating self pity. One of the biggest problems that exists for people is not just that they feel bad but that they can justify feeling bad. Many of us search for excuses that make our bad feelings justified. In terms of eliminating self pity, there are a few things to keep in mind.

The 'Poor Me' Syndrome as I like to call it involves feeling sorry for yourself by telling yourself that you are so unlucky and unfortunate and destined for a horrible time. The sad thing is that regardless of your cicumstances there are always far more people that are worse off than you. Still, feeling like you are alone and the world is against you can sometimes become quite addictive.

We all know what it's like when things don't work out for us or we get a stream of bad things happening. It's easy to get into a mood and try and figure out 'Why?' it is happening and happening to us. Since we don't find out why, we are left wondering is it personal and is it only us to has to struggle like that. We soon develop a theory about ourselves and we buy into that theory as an excuse for us to be sad and depressed.

The idea might be... 'I'm lonely and I'll never find anyone... I'm destined to be alone forever.' It might be, 'I hate my job, but it's all I can do. I'll have to survive it forever.' 'It's my parents fault that I turned out like this. Why did they have to be so bad to me?' Regardless of what it is, it all amounts to the same thing... spending time blaming people rather than being responsible for your own state and the conditions of your life.

The fact is that we are often not to blame for what happens to us, but figuring out blame is pointless. So is wallowing in bad feelings. What you really need to do is to give yourself a swift kick up the arse and decide that it's essential to switch from moping to motivation. When you focus on what you can do and how you are going to chnage things, you will find yourself feeling much better immediately.

All it requires is a switch in thinking from blame to taking responsibility. The key is to become aware of whenever you find yourself wanting to start blaming or moaping in self pity and immediately to ask yourself the question 'What do I want to do to sort this problem out?' and keep asking until you come up with and carry out an action plan.

Eliminating Self Pity is done by noticing it and not letting it affect you. It's about taking charge of your thoughts which you always can, and deciding enough is enough... it's time to wallow in self delight.