The Silent treatment is a method that people often use to try and make another person feel bad. By not talking to them, communicating with them or contacting them, they feel like they are causing the other person to suffer.

Often, strangely, they are successful in these aims. So, I want to talk this month about the Silent Treatment and how we can deal with it effectively.

Firstly, what is essential to remember is that Silent Treatment is usually used by people that are close and important to you. If they aren't close to you then obviously them being silent wouldn't have that much of an impact on you. So, because they are close to you, it is a) noticeable and b) hurtful when they do stop talking to you.

Often, this particular device can lead to or facilitate the break-up of relationships or families. What happens is that the person who the treatment is been given to, becomes more and more frustrated that they can't get through to the other people that are being silent and they start to mentally think all the thoughts the other person is thinking.

This makes it worse than if the other person had of actually insulted them verbally. The idea of what the person 'might' be thinking if often worse than anything they might say. So, bit by bit it can drive a person mad. But there is a way to deal with it.

Firstly, remember that the other person is doing this to deliberately try and make you feel bad. If you do so then they succeed in doing that and they will be able to use that whenever they want to. So, it is essential that you prevent it from working.

When someone uses the silent treatment, it's important to explain to them in some format (email, text, voice mail, in person) preferably in person... that you want to talk to them about the problem or issue and you want to get it resolved because they are important to you and whatever it is you are sure that you can sort it out between you. Also state clearly to them that you care a lot for them and if they decide to stay silent you can't do anything so they must let you know when they are ok with talking again.

Make sure that whatever format you use, you are absolutely sure that they have read or heard it. That's why person to person is best.

Next, it is the key stage for you. You simply have to cut off from them in so far as to stop thinking about them and let them do their silence for as long as they need to. You can't control how long they do it for. All you can do is make sure that you do not allow yourself to think about them doing it.

Every time you find yourself thinking about them and what is going on inside their head, STOP YOURSELF and realise that all that is going on inside their heads is 'I'm gonna make them suffer. I'm gonna make them suffer' and let them think what they want while you get on with your life.

Then, when the treament ends, make it as easy as possible for them to start talking again. It's crucial that they are made to feel comfortable talking to you again.