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Probably the biggest issue that myself and Brian get to deal with in the corporate arena is the problem of 'politics'. Politics refers to the extensive problems that exist from egos, communication misunderstandings, hidden interests, false assumptions, personal problems, emotional concerns and power games.
Dealing with the games that people play in relationships and business and this world of political psychology that exists is something I wanna talk about this month. Games is the term usually used to describe politics on a personal relationship level. So I want to tackle both these different contexts.
Firstly, lets ask ourselves where does politics and games come from? What needs or wants are fulfilled by them? Well, firstly, let us examine the difference between politics and games in this context.
POLITICS originate because:
a) People want to move up the corporate ladder
In order to do so they must be looked upon favourably by certain key individuals/groups
In order to do that they must compete against other
In order to do that they must show how they are better, show how the others are worse and do so without the appearance of competing.
b) People want to be respected and be looked up to.
In order to do so they must be seen by others as being in some way important or significant.
In order to do so they must appear better than others.
In order to do that they must show how they are better, show how the others are worse, put themselves on a pedestal and put other people down and do so without the appearance of doing so.
c) People dislike other people and don't want to work with them.
In order to get rid of them they must make the person look bad/incompetent/immoral etc...
In order to do that they must lie, spread rumours, gossip, exaggerate things and put other people down and do so without the appearance of doing anything bad.
d) People are paranoid about their position on the corporate ladder
In order to defend it they feel the need to attack others without appearing to.
They will do so by using any means discussed above deemed necessary.
GAMES originate because:
a) Either person wants the other person to feel more attracted to them and keep them interested by being vague and creating uncertainty about their feelings.
b) Either person lies/distorts the truth because they don't wish to cause the other person to react in a negatively anticipated way or because they do want the other person to react in a positive way.
So with these in mind how can we best deal with politics in business or games in relationships. Well lets take business firstly. Unfortunately in the vast majority of business settings there is no way to avoid politics but you can minimise your exposure to it. By addressing the needs above you can best put yourself in the best position possible.
Firstly, avoid situations where you'll be drawn into politics or bad mouthing. Never give anyone a reason to say you said something damanging. Always listen to others and acknowledge them and let them know you understand them but never express you agree or disagree.
Secondly, appear to support everyone else on their rise up the ladder and at the same time put yourself forward as strongly as you can. Talk little to your competitors as you can about it and put yourself down to them but up to your bosses when interviewed.
Thirdly, demonstrate respect for everyone in the office. Make sure everyone is your friend. Ask them for advise on some mundane matters just to make them feel like you look up to them in some way. At the same time demonstrate your own skills.
Fourthly, avoid any personal vendettas people have. Do your best to be liked by everyone and say nothing bad about anyone as far as you can. Let people fight out their own personal problems. Don't refuse to take sides openly, just make excuses and always appear busy instead of getting involved.
Finally, make everyone feel secure in their job in any way you can. Give them the odd bit of praise when they do something worthwhile and share praise of them you have heard from other people. That way you'll avoid being the focus of a paranoid induced attack.
Now these are only suggestions for dealing with politics. Personally, I hate politics and have no time for them. Often I will just speak my mind an be honest and genuine. Sometimes though for the greater good being able to survive politically in business is essential. It's not about stooping to anothers level, it's about managing your reputation as best you can so you can progress as much as possible and reach your potential.
Now, relationships. Games are almost inevitable at the beginning phases of a relationships. The key is to be aware of what unwritten rules they have about different things. Pay attention to what they bitch about regarding their friends. Listen to what they didn't appreciate about their ex. Notice how they respond to their friends. By paying attention you can understand more of how they act in different kinds of relationships.
Also try and be honest as possible. Avoid letting them know just how strong your feelings are if you are in the early phases of a relationship unless they let their guard down too. Let them know you really want them but don't need them and are ok to be on your own. Compromise on certain things but never compromise too much. They must like you for who you are and not for who they can mould you into. The trick is start the relationship by being ok with yourself. The paradox is that the best time to be in a relationship is when you don't need one.
Of course, relationships aren't always easy to control as you cannot always account for love but by paying more attention and thinking more carefully you can improve your chances of being in a better relationship longer.
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