Having just returned on my trip around the world, I felt it appropriate to discuss something which became evident to me while away: Character. To me, our character is who we truly are. It’s not fluid and changing like our identity or self-concept, nor dependent on others like our reputation and image… instead it represents our values, our principles and our person.

Character is revealed and is built by the experiences we have. It is by the toughest experiences that we grow the most and that our character is really revealed and built. The way we respond in times of distress shows us our character and when we can learn to respond in the most effective ways we build our character in the way we need.

Events like death, illness and relationships breaking up can all have a huge impact upon us. We are affected tremendously by such events. In such cases often we have to feel what we feel and hope that time heals. But as time takes it’s time to heal, we can choose ourselves to do the right thing and behave differently than the way that we feel or let the way we feel determine our actions.

You see, in life, we can choose to let our feelings determine our behaviour or our behaviour determine our feelings. When we start from behaviour we gain control and it allows us work in the hardest conditions. Recently, I’ve met a person who has been going through some tough times in their life. They feel so many ranges of emotion… most of them bad. What my focus has been on is teaching them that these feelings are ok to feel and to know that that’s all they are: feelings.

When you think that you’re thoughts are your reality, you fail to realise that the way you feel affects your thoughts about a situation. When you get to the stage that you know they are just thoughts springing from a bad state, you get to decide to behave in a way that you know is USEFUL. It’s like the hardest thing in the world at the start of a relationship is NOT to express your deepest feelings as it FEELS right to do it. What you learn from the lessons of life is to focus on doing what’s USEFUL and not always what FEELS right. Then, you put yourself in a position that, even through the tough times you make the most of it.

Thus, by making your actions not determined by feelings, which may distort your thinking, you gain freedom to let your principles and values guide your behaviour.. not your emotions. When this is achieved, since your values and principles form a large part of your character… you will be strengthening that very character through using it when you need it most… when the going gets tough!!!