Probably one of the most popular books out there in the self development market is a book entitled 'The Power of Now'. What I wanted to talk about this month was the power of NOW, BEFORE and NEXT. Although I think the book is a fantastic book and highly recommend it, I want to add some more ideas which I believe you will find useful to keep in mind.

Most people have problems because they feel bad about the past, bad in the present or bad about their future. In this article, I want to help you get a better perspective on everything.

The Power of Now teaches us that when we can stay in the present we will be able to deal with the world more effectively and reach an enlightened state of well being where we will feel relaxed, good, strong and happy. The Power of Before, I describe as understanding how you can look back at your past and deal with it in the more effective and useful ways so that it serves you as best it can. The Power of Next, I describe as understanding how your future can be designed and improved and can be made into a wonderful set of experiences for you to live out the rest of your days. So let's examine these three powers now and how we can work with them to enhance to quality of our lives.

The Power of Before

Jim Rohn explains that we must 'gather up our past and invest it in the future'. I love that. It is a fantastic way of thinking about our experiences. Every single thing that has ever happened to us has happened to us for a reason and a purpose and in some way it has contributed to the way we live today. The key is to ensure that everything that has happened affects you in the most useful way. Nostalgia can sometimes trip us up in bringing us back to wanting the good old days again but it's important to accept those days as wonderful memories we can hold onto forever. Those good old days are there to remind us of how wonderful our lives can be and to give us something to look forward to.

The bad times we have gone through are there to make us better in some way. Every tragedy, every heartbreak, every tough time... they serve us by providing us with real growth experiences. It is the times that we struggle the most in life that provides us with real strength of character. It's important that you look back at the challenging experiences and learn all you can from them, grow all you can from them, improve all you can from them.

Also just because something didn't work out in the past doesn't mean it can't work out in the future. Many people use their past as an excuse for not taking chances in the future. They use the phrase 'not meant to be' which is good and correct as it wasn't meant to be... BEFORE. What's key is to avoid using such learnings from BEFORE and to make them excuses which prevent you from going for what you truly want or achieving your true potential. If babies had this attitude, they'd never learn to walk... walking wouldn't 'be for them'.

I had a client a while back who kept blaming themselves and feeling miserable about the past. He had been a heroin addict for a few years and was only clean a few weeks. He was ashamed with how he acted and had so many regrets about his life. Eventually during the session I stopped talking and I shouted to him to 'CHANGE THE PAST'. He said 'What?'. I repeated again forcefully 'CHANGE THE PAST'. He kept struggling until, eventually, he simply looked up at me and said 'I CAN'T' to which I replied 'WELL THERE'S NO POINT IN THINKING ABOUT IT LIKE THIS THEN IS THERE?'. He finally got the point.

The key is to remember the past is there for two reasons. So that we can feel good about the good times and learn, develop and grow from every single experience so they can all make us better.

The Power of Now

The more you can keep your mind focused in the present moment, the more you can simply enjoy the real moments of life which are the gifts of living. There is one undeniable truth about life and that is the ever interferring presence of change. Change in your circumstances, change in your fortune, change in your luck. When we get something we really want, the horrible inevitability is that at some stage we will no longer have it.

For example, most people are in relationships and don't really realise just how wonderful they have it to be with the person they love. At any stage change could easily sweep in as it has been known to and end the relationship in an instant. People fall in love, people fall out of love, people decide on their future, people change their mind, children grow up and leave the house. Friends come in and out of your life. No matter how great everything seems... eventually it will all change. But it's not necessarily a bad thing.

At the same time, we all have 'bad' days.... those days when everything seems to be going wrong. It's critical to remember that everything 'seems' to be going wrong. It doesn't mean it is wrong. There are no bad days... it just feels that way. What you need to do is just accept that the day is going as the day is going and that it doesn't mean anything. Many people, when they feel bad, they make a big deal about it instead of realising it is only happening in the present and therefore will soon pass. Bad times have to change too.

Often even people in the field of personal development can get themselves to feel bad because they feel bad and they feel like they 'shouldn't'. Indeed, if they actually decided to just forget about analysing everything and themselves and trying to 'sort' the problems out... they'd discover the beauty of the present is in the enjoyment you can have with friends and loved ones... in nice chats, a nice night out, a few drinks, a dinner, a trip to the cinema. It's the simple pleasures of life... when we connect back again to them that can often be the best solution to a bad day.

What's really important is that you really begin to do three things in the present. The first is to absolutely spend much of your time in the present... really experiencing the world. It is about making sure that you take little for granted. That you stay aware of everything in your senses and feel the enlightened awareness that comes with wakening up your senses to the real world out there.

The second is to really appreciate all the beautiful and amazing things you have in the present. It is to appreciate your life as it is... NOW... and all the great things in it. You must appreciate truely the people in your life... your family and your friends and how important they are to you. You need to realise how lucky you are to have them in your life and also realise how lucky they are to have you in their life. These people you connect with are truly the most beautiful part of living life.

The third is to deal well with Change. Since you can't change 'CHANGE', the only thing you can do is work well with it. You do this by looking at those things in the present that are fantastic and really enjoying every single moment you have now so you really live as fully as possible enjoying the gifts of the present. You also do this by taking all those things you don't have yet and want and those things that you have and don't want and accept.... soon things will be different. Also, you can also make changes happen deliberately by taking charge over your thoughts, behaviours, feelings and actions.

The Power of Next

The Power of Next is about designing your future and focusing on how you can create the kind of experiences you want to in the future. The future is full of opportunities. It is also full of challenges. We can safely predict that the future is going to be full of possibilities mixed in with some difficulties. The Power of Next is about preparing for the difficulties and realising the possibilities. It's about meticulously planning on how you are going to manifest more of what you want in life and create the kinds of things you want.

It's also important to move on when going through a difficult situation. One of the problems many people have is that they find themselves stuck in the same old rut and they find it hard to focus on what will happen in the future. It's essential to become aware that there will be a time where things will be different and there will be a time when we can say to ourselves 'NEXT' and move on.

The future is not there so that we can worry. It is there so that we can be excited. It is not there so that we can be fearful. It is there so that we can turn the present into an even more wonderful present. The future is not there so that we can feel uncertain. The future is there so that we can have hope... so that we can realise the possibilities that lay ahead of and in each and every one of us.

I have friends who talk about the Destiny looking after them... whatever is for them will not pass them by. What's essential too to realise is that if everything happens for a reason... you won't always know what the reason is. Maybe it will be the most obvious learning that you can get from it or maybe it will make you stronger in some way.

We live mainly with three fears which limit and trap us. We fear rejection, failure and embarrasment. When you get to the stage that you realise that none of them mean anything, you no longer need to carry around and protect your status. Instead you can recognise the validity of your worth comes from who you are deep down and all the potential that lies slumbering within you. Rejection is about anothers present perception, Failure is about Learning by Practising, Embarrassement is about caring what you look like in front of others.

The funny part is when you no longer care about these three fears... they no longer exist... and you can fully grow into the future. When something fails it doesn't mean it will never work again... it means it failed then. When it happens, you need to learn to go: WHAT'S NEXT? I used to worry about rejection and embarrasement. Now they don't bother me because I fully accept myself and if others don't then that's just their perception. If others laugh then I see that as good. Laughing at me and with me... I don't mind too much, as long as they are laughing. It's about getting strong enough that you don't rely on everyone elses validation and respect. All events make us better people so that we can succeed next time. That's what the universe does for us.

The only thing we can say which really works for sure is that Destiny is there to provide you with lots of learnings and experiences and what is for you won't pass you by. What is the right choice doesn't exist, only a right choice exists. The key is to remain open to all possibilities and that way you can make decisions based on what you like and commit to them accepting it is not the only thing for you.

That way we have nothing to fear as the future can only make us have more courage. We have nothing to worry about as the future can only provide us with possibilities of a more wonderful life. We have nothing to feel uncertain about, we can be certain that we can't predict how the future will go... we can only make the most of it and design ourselves and our actions in the most effective way.

The key is to design your life by deciding the kinds of things you want. It's good to accept that you can usually have almost anything that you want but not always everything you want. You must decide on what you want to achieve in your life, what you want to have, what you want to do, where you want to go, who you want to meet, what you want to learn and who you want to be. Once you are specific, positive and you think it through in as much detail as possible in terms of how good an idea it is and what the consequences are, it's important to figure out how you can influence it... what control you have over it happening and how you will know when it does happen. What will you see hear and feel when you have achieved it.

The next part about dealing with the future effectively is to be able to always look with hope at the possibilities rather than limits. Regardless of what the present is like, you must be able to think about how things will be when the problems are solved, when things are working out as you want them to, when all is well again. You can also predict times when difficulties will arise and you can predict what kind of difficulties they will be. So with that wisdom in mind you can decide to prepare a different way of reacting and responding to these events, people and circumstances and thus make your life easier. Lastly, regardless of the embarrasement, rejection or failures you deal with... SIMPLY SAY 'NEXT' and move on. Learn what you can learn, take it in your stride and move on. That is the power of Next.

So, the Power of Now, Before and Next is about learning and growing from your past. It's about making sure that you will accept your past... the good and the bad and that all the events made something of you now. The life you enjoy in the present you must truly feel appreciative and gratitude for and know that whatever difficulties present themselves to you... they will change and the future will be brighter. You can control how you change and how you deal with the world and the future is full of possibilities and you can design how you take charge of your life to realise these possibilities. That is when you gain true power to live a full, happy and free life. Free from the regrets and sadness of the past, free from the difficulties of the present, free from the worries and fears of the future. Free to feel great and learn fully from the past, free to really enjoy the present of the future and free to create the most compelling future.

Our lives are endlessly changing. We experience the good with the bad. All we have are choices. Sometimes we make a right choice and sometimes the choice isn't as right as it could be yet. You never really make a wrong decision because you can always make it a right choice. The key is to make sure that whatever choices you do make... you make the most of them. That way, you can smile that beautiful smile and you can never lose.